{"id":53047,"date":"2018-11-01T04:09:30","date_gmt":"2018-11-01T04:09:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/why-doesnt-my-toddler-like-positive-reinforcement\/"},"modified":"2018-11-01T04:09:30","modified_gmt":"2018-11-01T04:09:30","slug":"why-doesnt-my-toddler-like-positive-reinforcement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/de\/why-doesnt-my-toddler-like-positive-reinforcement\/","title":{"rendered":"Why doesn\u2019t my toddler like positive reinforcement?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Admit it: Sometimes you get a little overly excited when your toddler does something awesome. How could you not? You\u2019re so proud and you want them to know it, so you clap, you cheer, you may even do a little happy dance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

The only problem is that your toddler might not appreciate the positive reinforcement. At all. In fact, in a matter of seconds, your child\u2019s smile can turn to a scowl<\/strong> and you can find yourself face-to-face with one very pissed-off toddler. Sometimes, my daughter will even angrily wave her arms at me and yell, \u201cNo, Mommy! Stop it! I don\u2019t like that!\u201d<\/p>

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It would be easy to chalk this up to toddlers being, well, toddlers and a little emotionally unbalanced<\/strong>, but here\u2019s the thing: It\u2019s not them\u2014it\u2019s you. (And me.)<\/p>\n

\u201cOne of the biggest reasons a kid can get grouchy when you clap and cheer is that you\u2019ve stolen her sense of accomplishment,\u201d says Sarah Rosensweet<\/strong>, a Toronto-based educator who specializes in a non-punitive, connection-based approach to parenting. \u201cIt becomes about what you<\/em><\/span> think about what she\u2019s done rather than how she feels about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\nYour toddler: 23 months old<\/span>Other possibilities for this attitude about-face: Toddlers might interpret a too-exuberant tone as condescending, or they may feel judged, as if you\u2019re only truly happy with them when they do something spectacular. The latter can create anxiety<\/strong> about making mistakes and wanting to be perfect in order to please you\u2014in that moment and in the future. And on a more basic note, your child might simply be startled by your reaction.<\/p>\n

So how can you acknowledge your toddler\u2019s accomplishment and encourage them in a positive way that won\u2019t send them into an emotional tailspin?<\/p>\n

For starters, Rosensweet suggests \u201cnoticing\u201d instead of praising, along with recognizing the effort. You could say something as simple as: \u201cWow, you did it,\u201d or \u201cLook at you\u2014look at what you did.\u201d With older toddlers, you can ask them to explain how they worked on the project or achieved their goal. You can still express enthusiasm and awe, of course, but don\u2019t go overboard, and make sure to keep the focus on them.<\/p>\n

This strategy can also help your child develop self-confidence<\/strong>. \u201cIf you\u2019re constantly making it about what you think of your child,\u201d cautions Rosensweet, \u201cthat\u2019s what they will grow to depend on\u2014what other people think of them instead of what they think of themselves.\u201d Here\u2019s what to do if your child seems to be going down that road: The next time they seem desperate for your approval, acknowledge their hard work then gently turn it around and ask them what they think of what they\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n

So tone it down, and if you mess up once in a while and get a less-than-desirable reaction, all is not lost. \u201cJust correct yourself and say, \u2018It looks like I made you a little uncomfortable\u2014I was just so excited. You must be so proud of yourself for doing x, y and z,\u2019\u201d says Rosensweet. \u201cEverything\u2019s fixable.\u201d<\/p>\n

And those may be the two most reassuring words ever uttered when it comes to parenting\u2014and two of the truest.<\/p>\n

\t\t<\/p>\n

Read more:
Why does my toddler suddenly hate everyone?
Is my toddler\u2019s bad behaviour normal?
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