{"id":53060,"date":"2018-11-03T04:30:20","date_gmt":"2018-11-03T04:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/dont-worry-your-toddler-is-not-a-jerk\/"},"modified":"2018-11-03T04:30:20","modified_gmt":"2018-11-03T04:30:20","slug":"dont-worry-your-toddler-is-not-a-jerk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/de\/dont-worry-your-toddler-is-not-a-jerk\/","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t worry, your toddler is not a jerk"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n Photo: Stocksy United <\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Dinner with my daughter used to be my favourite time of day, but now that she\u2019s 21 months old<\/strong>, I dread it. It starts off well enough: I watch Dale greedily gobbling up the food I\u2019ve lovingly prepared and her hilarious expressions as she experiences new flavours and textures. It makes me feel appreciated, when parenting can often feel like a thankless job.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then things take a turn for the worse. \u201cMore, please?\u201d she\u2019ll ask, pointing to her empty bowl. Obligingly, I\u2019ll run to the fridge to replenish the avocado or pulled chicken\u2014excited that tonight\u2019s menu was a hit<\/strong>\u2014but then I\u2019ll watch with dismay as she smushes the fresh food in her hands like Play-Doh and then\u2014a second blow\u2014wipes the carnage on her clothes. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWash hands!\u201d she\u2019ll demand next, followed by another series of screams as she pulls her hands away at the sight of a wipe. <\/span>Defeated, I release her from her high chair\u2014avocado hands intact\u2014and feel myself flinch as a mischievous smirk spreads across her face. It\u2019s one of the confusing (and often infuriating) cycles of our day that makes me forget my once-sweet baby and wonder, When did my kid turn into such a jerk?<\/i><\/span><\/p>

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\"Toddler
\nHow to discipline a toddler? 29 toddler discipline tactics that work<\/span><\/span>It turns out I\u2019m not alone in feeling like my kid has transformed into a raging tyrant (seemingly) overnight<\/strong>. And not only is it typical, but it\u2019s developmentally necessary. Between the ages of one and a half and three, kids are just gauging tolerance for certain actions, but this behaviour can be misinterpreted as \u201cnaughty,\u201d says Jennifer Kolari, a child and family therapist, and the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid<\/i>. While my instinct was to read Dale\u2019s shift in personality as a reflection of poor parenting skills, Kolari assures me this is part of the development process, and understanding that is the first step in reining in the behaviour.<\/span><\/p>\n

Exploring limits<\/strong>
<\/span>There are a few reasons your toddler may be acting out, and a big one is to challenge their limits, as well as those of their parents. \u201cKids at this age are testing boundaries and experimenting with the world to see where they have push and pull,\u201d Kolari explains. They\u2019re getting older and becoming more independent, but they\u2019re still not quite sure what that means. <\/span><\/p>\n

Communication breakdown
<\/strong><\/span>At the same time, toddlers are learning how to communicate their wants and needs. Language and vocabulary are very limited, which can lead to a lot of frustration. \u201cThey\u2019re kind of like little cavemen. It\u2019s way easier to just grab something or scream<\/strong> than it is to find all of those words floating around in their head and try to put them together into a statement,\u201d says Kolari.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotional roller coaster
<\/span><\/strong>As a parent, it can be difficult to watch your little one shift from the excitement of learning to crawl, walk or say their first words to the unexpected and explosive anger that is unleashed any time you don\u2019t cut their grapes in just the \u201cright\u201d way. Janet Lansbury, an educator and author of No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame,<\/i> points out that the part of toddlers\u2019 brains responsible for regulating emotions<\/strong> is still developing. \u201cYour child very likely understood that you didn\u2019t want her to hit you or her friends, siblings or pets, dump her food or water onto the floor, whine, scream and call you \u2018stupid,\u2019 but her impulses made a different choice,\u201d says Lansbury.<\/span><\/p>\n

Understanding the world<\/strong>
<\/span>Parents should try not to take this behaviour personally and try to respect that their child is attempting to be a good student in figuring out how the world around them works, adds Kolari. \u201cThey\u2019re not banging on the table to ruin your beautiful table\u2014they\u2019re doing it to see if it makes a cool sound.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Bad\u2019 behaviour triggers
<\/span><\/strong>Lansbury agrees that what parents might see as \u201cbad\u201d toddler behaviour is just how they learn or try to communicate some form of discomfort. She recommends parents stop and take a moment to check in with their little one when an outburst occurs. Go through a mental checklist: Are they tired, hungry or overstimulated<\/strong>? \u201cI try to disempower \u2018bad\u2019 behaviours by allowing them to roll off my back,\u201d says Lansbury. \u201cI show them I acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, \u2018I hear how angry you are about leaving the park. That really disappointed you.\u2019\u201d It may feel silly at first, but showing that you understand what they\u2019re experiencing and mirroring the appropriate response will help them learn how to communicate. <\/span><\/p>\n

One of the most important things about this phase is that it\u2019s totally normal, adds Lansbury. Even the most patient parents will struggle to deal with angry, indignant, unreasonable toddlers. I try to remember that as I begin cleaning up the dishes. \u201cNo dishes, Mommy!\u201d Dale screams. \u201cOnly Daddy does dishes.\u201d Maybe she\u2019s reasonable after all.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Read more:
Why doesn\u2019t my toddler like positive reinforcement?
7 genius comebacks for when your toddler asks why
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