{"id":55475,"date":"2020-05-28T20:05:18","date_gmt":"2020-05-28T20:05:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/how-to-stop-your-child-from-hitting\/"},"modified":"2020-05-28T20:05:18","modified_gmt":"2020-05-28T20:05:18","slug":"how-to-stop-your-child-from-hitting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/de\/how-to-stop-your-child-from-hitting\/","title":{"rendered":"How to stop your child from hitting"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"al2fb_like_button\"><div id=\"fb-root\"><\/div><script type=\"text\/javascript\">\n(function(d, s, id) {\n  var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];\n  if (d.getElementById(id)) return;\n  js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;\n  js.src = \"\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/all.js#xfbml=1&appId=292312517979383\";\n  fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);\n}(document, \"script\", \"facebook-jssdk\"));\n<\/script>\n<fb:like href=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/de\/how-to-stop-your-child-from-hitting\/\" send=\"true\" layout=\"standard\" show_faces=\"true\" share=\"true\" width=\"200\" action=\"recommend\" font=\"arial\" colorscheme=\"light\" ref=\"AL2FB\"><\/fb:like><\/div><div id=\"babyh-2677078746\" class=\"babyh-topleft babyh-entity-placement\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.interserver.net\/r\/411851\" aria-label=\"EBIKES\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/EBIKES.webp\" alt=\"EBIKES\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/EBIKES.webp 748w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/EBIKES-300x201.webp 300w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/EBIKES-110x75.webp 110w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 748px) 100vw, 748px\" width=\"500\" height=\"100\"  style=\"display: inline-block;\" \/><\/a><\/div><div><\/div>\n<p>Dorothy Robson and Sean Smith first noticed their three-year-old son, Sebastian, was hitting other kids when he was a year and a half. \u201cAt first, we would redirect him and say, \u2018You can\u2019t hit. This is <strong>a gentle touch<\/strong>,\u2019\u201d says Robson. \u201cBut as he gets older, we talk to him about it. We ask him why he\u2019s hitting and whether or not he thinks it\u2019s OK behaviour,\u201d she says. \u201cHe\u2019ll apologize and say, \u2018I won\u2019t hit again,\u2019 and then he does!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sound familiar? Then read on to find out why kids hit, how to help them stop, and when you might need some help.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>How to stop toddlers (1 to 2) from hitting<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Hitting, kicking and biting are all normal behaviour for kids in this age group, say Richard Tremblay, the director of the Centre of Excellence for Early Childhood Development in Montreal, and Joan Durrant, a psychologist and professor of family social sciences at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg.<\/p><div id=\"babyh-42841462\" class=\"babyh-test-placement-from-wizard-678377226 babyh-entity-placement\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.interserver.net\/r\/411851\" aria-label=\"USA NUTRITION IMPROVEMENTS\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"USA NUTRITION IMPROVEMENTS\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled.jpg 1800w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-800x533.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1800px) 100vw, 1800px\"   \/><\/a><\/div><div id=\"babyh-2684323696\" class=\"babyh-test-placement-from-wizard-3612799500 babyh-entity-placement\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.interserver.net\/r\/411851\" aria-label=\"USA NUTRITION IMPROVEMENTS\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"USA NUTRITION IMPROVEMENTS\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled.jpg 1800w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-rodnae-productions-8523136-scaled-800x533.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1800px) 100vw, 1800px\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019re born being able to attack and defend,\u201d says Tremblay. \u201cBut it\u2019s during childhood that we learn not to use <strong>physical aggression<\/strong>.\u201d To get there, says Durrant, parents and caregivers need to teach kids to inhibit this natural impulse to hit when they\u2019re upset.<\/p>\n<p>With young toddlers, one way to teach them not to hit is to demonstrate gentle touch. \u201cIf Sebastian wasn\u2019t angry or upset, but just hitting to hit, we\u2019d say, \u2018Ouch, that hurt me. Can you show me a gentle touch?\u2019\u201d says Robson. \u201cWe\u2019d gently stroke his head or arm or wherever he had hit us. Usually this would result in him repeating the action and giving us a big squishy hug.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If your kid whacks you or another child, remain calm and recognize that this is typical behaviour. If it was another kid who got hurt, first make sure they\u2019re OK, then turn your attention to your little slugger. \u201cYou want to move the child away from whoever is being hurt, but not in a way that\u2019s punitive or isolating,\u201d says Durrant. \u201cAnd you can\u2019t act out by yelling or hitting them, because then you\u2019re not helping them learn how to deal with their emotions.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s important not to reject them,\u201d says Esther Cherland, a child psychiatrist at Saskatoon\u2019s Royal University Hospital. \u201cSo be very careful about saying something like \u2018bad boy!\u2019 You can say \u2018Ow, that hurt Mommy,\u2019 but you should say it softly. And unless they\u2019re about to hurt others or themselves, don\u2019t grab them firmly, as it mimics the intensity of their own behaviour.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But the reality is, it can be tough to hold back if you\u2019re on the receiving end of their blows. \u201cSometimes Sebastian will have a truck in his hand and he\u2019ll swat me with it,\u201d says Robson. \u201cI\u2019ve yelled \u2013 I try not to \u2013 but sometimes when you\u2019re in pain, you react.\u201d If you do react too strongly, Durrant says it\u2019s vital to model the behaviour you want to see from your children and apologize. \u201cIt helps the child feel like you care about their feelings and show them that it\u2019s OK to apologize.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And it\u2019s also OK to simply walk away from a kid who\u2019s hitting you. In fact, it teaches them how to stand up for themselves without being aggressive. You should explain why you\u2019re walking away, though, says Durrant. Try: \u201cI\u2019m not going to let you hurt me. We\u2019ll talk about this when we\u2019ve both calmed down.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>For older toddlers, you also want to teach them to label their emotions. \u201cTry saying something like: \u2018You were feeling very angry,\u2019\u201d says Durrant. \u201cYou want to help them move toward expressing themselves verbally. Once we can put a name to something, we can understand it a lot better,\u201d she says. \u201cIf we think of our jobs as helping them build connections between the parts of their brains that involve emotion and the parts that involve language and self-regulation, we approach it very differently than if we think they\u2019re just being bad.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><strong>How to stop preschoolers (3 to 5) from hitting<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>With this set, you should continue to teach them to understand their feelings and express them verbally, but you now want to help them think through situations, empathize with their playmate, and control their emotions before they act. Once your kid has calmed down, you can take them through scenarios of how they could have reacted.<\/p>\n<p>The more your kid has to choose from when they\u2019re, say, in the middle of a heated battle over whether to play Star Wars or Mega Bloks, the better their ability to problem solve will be.<\/p>\n<p>Robson and her husband use this technique with Sebastian. \u201cWhen he hits, we talk about other ways to get what he needs, like saying \u2018I need space.\u2019\u201d And when you see them making non-aggressive choices, Cherland also recommends giving them a compliment like \u201cI saw you let Noah choose which game to play,\u201d to reinforce positive behaviour.<\/p>\n<p>But ongoing hitting could be a sign of more serious neurological issues. That seems to be the story with seven-year-old Zoe,* who was diagnosed with <strong>Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)<\/strong> just before she turned five. Her parents, Jessica and Matt Brandson,* have tried everything they could think of to stop Zoe from using physical aggression, but she continues to hit her four-year-old sister, Charlotte*. \u201cIf Charlotte crosses her, she hits first and asks questions later,\u201d says Jessica. \u201cShe sees it as retaliation and thinks it\u2019s justified if Charlotte has wronged her.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Jessica has taken parenting courses, read countless books, and the family even had a counsellor come to their home once a week for six months, and that\u2019s when they learned a few magic words.<\/p>\n<p>When Zoe hits, her parents say: \u201cYou hit, you sit!\u201d and she has to go sit on the stairs for seven minutes (one minute for every year of her age). Jessica says it works because it sends a clear message to Zoe that there\u2019s a predictable, non-negotiable consequence.<\/p>\n<p>And all our experts agree that if <strong>parents hit their kids<\/strong>, it\u2019s very difficult for kids to learn not to hit in a moment of conflict. \u201cA lot of what we call \u2018physical punishment\u2019 is retaliation,\u201d Durrant says. \u201cAnd we don\u2019t want to teach our children to retaliate. We want to teach them to stand up for themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>*<\/strong>Name has been changed<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>This article was originally published in March 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><meta itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" content=\"https:\/\/www.todaysparent.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/how-do-i-become-a-more-patient-parent.jpg\"><meta itemprop=\"name\" content=\"How do I become a more patient parent?\"><meta itemprop=\"description\" content=\"When it comes to parenting, patience really is a virtue. But as every mom or dad knows, it\u2019s not always easy. In this helpful video, parenting expert Ann Douglas tells you why taking a little time for yourself goes a long way to becoming a more patient parent for  your kids.\"><meta itemprop=\"uploadDate\" content=\"2018-09-07T01:00:32+00:00\"><meta itemprop=\"duration\" content=\"PT46S\"> <!-- RDM Video Plugin Version: 3.11 -->\t\t<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"ctx-article-root\"><!-- --><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dorothy Robson and Sean Smith first noticed their three-year-old son, Sebastian, was hitting other kids when he was a year and a half. \u201cAt first, we would redirect him and say, \u2018You can\u2019t hit. This is a gentle touch,\u2019\u201d says Robson. \u201cBut as he gets older, we talk to him about it. We ask him &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":55476,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[82,83,80,86,91,98,90,84,89,97,88,92,96,81,95,93,100,87,99,94,85,149,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-55475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-babies-and-toddlers","category-baby-bedding","category-baby-care","category-baby-feeding","category-baby-food","category-baby-nursery","category-baby-products","category-baby-sleeping","category-baby-teething","category-babysitting","category-breastfeeding","category-child-abuse","category-child-behavior","category-child-development","category-child-discipline","category-child-safety","category-homeschooling","category-kids-health","category-kindergarten","category-parenting","category-potty-training","category-priority","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to stop your child from hitting - Baby Health and Care Advice and Tips<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/how-to-stop-your-child-from-hitting\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"de_DE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to stop your child from hitting - Baby Health and Care Advice and Tips\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dorothy Robson and Sean Smith first noticed their three-year-old son, Sebastian, was hitting other kids when he was a year and a half. \u201cAt first, we would redirect him and say, \u2018You can\u2019t hit. This is a gentle touch,\u2019\u201d says Robson. \u201cBut as he gets older, we talk to him about it. 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This is a gentle touch,\u2019\u201d says Robson. \u201cBut as he gets older, we talk to him about it. 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