{"id":56709,"date":"2021-06-30T05:02:34","date_gmt":"2021-06-30T05:02:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/im-worried-about-my-under-socialized-covid-toddler\/"},"modified":"2021-06-30T05:02:34","modified_gmt":"2021-06-30T05:02:34","slug":"im-worried-about-my-under-socialized-covid-toddler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.babyhealthandcare.com\/de\/im-worried-about-my-under-socialized-covid-toddler\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m worried about my under-socialized COVID toddler\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"EBIKES\"<\/a><\/div>

Years ago, in a university sociology class, I remember learning about unsocialized children<\/strong>. Children who spent months hiding from invading armies in barns and basements. Children chained to cribs by cruel parents. Children, quite literally, raised by wolves.<\/span><\/p>\n

And while most modern families will never encounter such extreme situations\u2014not even in the midst of a global pandemic, during which many of us were safely nestled in our own homes\u2014my professor explained that those instances illuminate a universal, and now very relevant, principle: lack of socialization goes hand-in-hand with trauma. Happy children, he said, were made that way by exposure to caregivers, friends, and playmates. Without these outside influences, he claimed, children suffered.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fifteen years later, I wish I could introduce that professor to a test case who defies his simple binary: my very happy, yet very unsocialized, two-and-a-half-year-old son. Finnegan is a wonderful whirling dervish of a child. He peels bananas from the bottom up. He exclaims \u201cWhat the shark?\u201d when something surprises him. And, due to a combination of circumstances both unique and universal\u2014a premature birth<\/strong>, a long recovery in the hospital, and, then, COVID-19\u2014he\u2019s spent very little time with anyone other than me, my husband, and my mother, who joined our quarantine bubble this winter. Which is why I also wish I could ask my professor the question that\u2019s been on my mind all these two-and-a-half years<\/span>: Will my boy be alright?<\/span><\/p>

\"USA<\/a><\/div>
\"USA<\/a><\/div>\n

I know I\u2019m not the only parent asking myself this. After all, for many parents of kids Finnegan\u2019s age, life has been one long nesting phase. First, there was the normal post-birth convalescence, that time we spend shepherding infants through a haze of upside-down days when their impossibly-soft bodies rely on us for everything. Sleep comes in snatches. Food languishes, forgotten, in toasters and microwaves. Everyone smells like milk. Later\u2014we thought\u2014the fog would lift. We were poised to enter an era of playdates, activities, and community events. We expected our world to expand to include educators, daycare teachers, extended family, and other kids. It was from these people that our children would learn to express themselves, tolerate frustration<\/strong>, and navigate social situations. But then of course COVID-19 struck, forcing millions of families to stay at home and separate from all but our closest kin. <\/span><\/p>\n

Even now, as vaccination rates rise and infection numbers fall, life remains interrupted for many of us stuck at home with unvaccinated kids.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

How my son will be impacted by his early years in isolation is the kind of keep-me-up-at-night, unanswerable question that I nevertheless can\u2019t help but seek an answer to. I google leading questions such as \u201cWhen is it too late for kids to make up for lost time?\u201d I read articles about how to help Finnegan forge bonds virtually. I even pepper people with invasive questions. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think a lack of exposure to others has damaged our kids?\u201d I recently asked my friend Tim, whose son, Ben, was born three months after Finnegan and has been cared for at home by Tim\u2019s husband for his entire life.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor a long time, yeah, I did,\u201d he replied. \u201cOne day we were walking around the block, and Ben could hear a little girl playing, but he couldn\u2019t see her because of the snow banks. He kept asking, \u2018What dat? What dat?\u2019 I honestly think he didn\u2019t realize there were other kids or people in the world.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"a<\/p>\n

Photo: Justine Feron<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

For a while, we traded these kinds of anecdotes. Like the fact that Finnegan doesn\u2019t know stores exist, and thinks the only way to purchase things is to \u201cget box at door.\u201d Or the time when, after a yearlong separation, Ben reunited with a close family friend and didn\u2019t recognize her. Or how Finnegan is now such a diligent mask-wearer that he sometimes insists on donning one indoors. These tales are today\u2019s version of Kids Say the Darndest Things,<\/em> and they\u2019re funny and frightening in equal measure.<\/span><\/p>\n

Earlier this year, both Tim and I had second children. Mine, named Kipling, was born in February 2021, while his, Lucy, arrived in March 2021. Though I put off telling most people about my pregnancy until its very end\u2014few things are as awkward as revealing you\u2019re pregnant to co-workers over Zoom and having them ask you to stand and show them your belly\u2014I was still the recipient of several anxious reactions.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, a pandemic baby<\/strong>,\u201d those people said, often with grave expressions on their faces. \u201cAre you worried about that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t, and still isn\u2019t, Kip who I fear for. At only four months old, Kip\u2019s pandemic losses will likely be limited to the playgroups and Mommy and Me yoga classes he\u2019d have slept through anyway. It\u2019s Finnegan I fret over: my curious, ebullient, beautiful kid, who is prone to \u201cmaking strange\u201d with the neighbours we pass on our block, who has only recently started speaking in sentences, and who is a bit of a bull in a china shop. How much of this is innate and how much imposed by lack of socialization, I may never know.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I have been getting clues from my family\u2019s old home movies, which my mom recently unearthed, along with an ancient VHS player, from the deep recesses of her garage. In one of them, filmed in the early 1990s at the Canadian Museum of History, my then-two-year-old brother, Josh, wantonly wanders the exhibits: licking a totem pole, bashing the receiver in a British-style phone booth, and ramming against the walls of a fiberglass igloo. At one point, he clambers clumsily into a canoe, eliciting eye-rolls from the teenage girls already occupying it. All the while, Josh appears absolutely joyful\u2014and more than a little under-socialized. In fact, he looks like the kind of kid about whom someone might once have asked, \u201cWas he raised by wolves<\/strong>?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But of course Josh was raised by my parents, and turned out just fine. So there\u2019s something consoling about seeing the parallels between how he and my son scramble about, free from inhibitions or regard for others. Maybe, I\u2019ve allowed myself to hope, Finnegan\u2019s tendency to clomp to the beat of his own drum isn\u2019t caused by COVID isolation at all; it\u2019s simply inherited. And perhaps, if we\u2019re able to enroll him in preschool this fall as planned, by the time he encounters a canoe full of people, he\u2019ll have learned not to launch himself into it. <\/span><\/p>\n

My fellow toddler parents are growing more hopeful, too. Now that summer is here, Tim says he\u2019s begun venturing out on playdates with both Ben and Lucy. \u201cI had driven myself insane thinking there was no way Ben could bounce back after spending half his life with so little human contact,\u201d Tim said. \u201cBut he\u2019s doing great.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And so, between our two families, maybe we\u2019ll be able to upend my old professor\u2019s assertions and prove that today\u2019s under-socialized toddlers will, in fact, be alright.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Years ago, in a university sociology class, I remember learning about unsocialized children. Children who spent months hiding from invading armies in barns and basements. Children chained to cribs by cruel parents. Children, quite literally, raised by wolves. 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