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Quarantine 2020 has made everyone a little cray. There has been laughter, tears, and moments of temporary insanity when it comes to distance learning with the children. The only saving grace is that people were not around to see it. Here are 10 hilarious things you don’t want to admit from distance learning.
1. You Took The Kids On “Field Trips”
Field trips are a nice way to say that you legally restrained your kids by buckling them in the car so that you could have a few minutes of keeping them stationary. Your trips were probably not very educational and you probably didn’t want to take them inside anywhere with the risk of contracting COVID, so you probably joined the other 10 billion people in the drive-thru to caffeinate at whatever coffee shop had a drive-thru. Or maybe you sat in the Target parking lot teary-eyed that you couldn’t go in and acceptably restrain your children in the shopping cart while you look at pretty things. There is no shame. None at all.
2. “Fire Drills” Became A Thing
You made the kids run outside in their PJs, bathing suit, or whatever they ended up wearing for the day, just so you could get them out of your house and have them stop destroying things. This distance learning fire drill lasted more than 15 minutes. If you are like most parents you threw some water guns, sidewalk chalk, or other Dollar Tree finds at them to buy yourself some respite time without the dreaded cleanup of the indoors. Fire drills may be the only reason your entire house is still standing and not every single surface is covered in whatever that sticky stuff is that you keep finding.
3. “Nature Walks” Happened
Even the not-so-outdoorsy mom found herself deep in the woods during distance learning. At least there the neighbor couldn’t hear you yell at your kids anymore. Sadly, they couldn’t play on the playgrounds and chasing squirrels got old real fast, but at least they weren’t under your feet. Now when it comes to reintroducing the children to society, you’re going to have to work on the Lord of the Flies meets Where The Wild Things Are personalities they have developed.
Read More: Get Outdoors With A Nature Scavenger Hunt
4. You Owe Your “Teacher’s Assistant” A Vacation
Your distance learning teacher’s assistant, Alexa, deserves an all-expenses-paid vacation for answering the endless kid questions, always keeping accurate time and timeout timer, and entertaining the children with knock-knock jokes. Don’t lie. You asked her some random questions too during your homebound boredom. She worked hard. Harder and longer than 9-5. You might have not made it without her.
Read More: 8 Mom Hacks Using Amazon Echo Alexa
5. You Got Fired!
Remember the days that you had an opinion about how the teacher was doing their job? Or that “Fun Friday” was a thing at school? Yeah. They put you to shame. You were always late to class, grossly unprepared for lessons, and didn’t even break up the cafeteria fights when they broke out. It may not feel like it now but there is an end in sight. The youngins are going to go back to school at some point and your short-lived distance learning teaching career will be over.
6. You Were Caught Drinking At Field Day
This happened just so that you could drink margaritas, sangria, or rum punches by water. Baby pools and sprinklers kept the kids entertained while you pretended to be on that sunny vacation that got canceled. It wasn’t the same. Not even close. But if only for a moment the books were closed, the kids were entertained, and you were working on that quarantined, ain’t seen the sun, tan.
Read More: 5 Keto Friendly Summer Drinks
7. Your Cafeteria Didn’t Serve Hot Lunch
Maybe you started off strong. Homemade, warm, nutritious lunches from new and enticing recipes from the internet. Ha. That didn’t last long. One word: Lunchable. You could have filled out the entire distance learning lunch calendar with one word. Lunchables do have three sections so that means a balanced meal right?
8. Technology Class Was On Steroids
You made a distance learning schedule. And it was beautiful. But absolutely worthless. Really. At school do the kids ask the teachers at 5 gazillion questions about EVERY assignment? For example, write your name. “Mom, is it my full name? Or my nickname? What I wish my name was?” O.M.G. You had to set this teaching thing on autopilot and there was no better way than a pair of headphones and whatever you deemed “educational” on the computer.
Read More: 7 Benefits Of Exposing Young Children To Modern Technology
9. There Were Funny Noises Coming From The Principal’s Office
There was a different kind of bell being rung in the principal’s office. Yeah…don’t lie. The kids didn’t leave the house, EVER! Your distance learning “meetings” had to take place. Let’s just say that Quarantine 2020 guaranteed a hefty graduating class of 2038.
10. The PE Teacher Gained 15 Pounds
Umm, how was the PE teacher suppose to workout with no gym during distance learning? Yep. They were locked up (unlike the pantry and the liquor closet). Sadly, chasing the kids around the house was not as many steps as you thought. The warmer weather snuck up on us and before we knew it the mask was about the only thing in the house that fit. Oh well. We rocked that mask like the sexy parents we are. We may need to invest in a yoga mat, weights, and a treadmill, but then again, the cold weather will be here before we know it and nobody wants to freeze. That’s not good for anybody.
This too shall…well…never mind. Go ahead and stock up on the notebook paper and pencils. Just know that we are all in the same sinking boat and we will see each other on the flip side at a much-needed intervention when the kids FINALLY go back to school.
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Photo Credits: Amanda Armstrong