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Did your vows mean the world to you? Are you sick of arguing with your husband over what seems to be nothing? Do you spend each day thinking that you no longer want to live in an unhappy relationship? Do you want a better circumstance for yourself? Your kids? We have put together a guide on how to help you through the day while surviving divorce.
‘Till Death Do Us Part
Chances are if you took the plunge into marriage, your vows mean something to you. This may be the ultimate struggle we face, as women, while living through a failing marriage and surviving divorce. It is extremely difficult sitting in church each Sunday knowing your marriage is failing and there is nothing you can do to save it.
If you are religious, pray. Ask others to pray with and for you. If you are not religious, you still may be struggling with the fact that you gave your partner your word and you received theirs. Sometimes, for an array of reasons, things we try in life just do not work out. Marriage can be one of those things. Go easy on yourself and accept your reality, whatever that may be. Surviving divorce comes much easier when you accept your reality.
Although you took vows, it is up to you to decide whether your vows or your overall happiness should take precedence in your daily life. You must decide (the sooner the better) how much unhappiness you are willing to experience. Sometimes two people are merely not meant to be together. Accepting that reality and being open to knowing when your marriage is over can save you years of unhappiness.
Try Not To Compare
Are your friends able to stick it out better than you can? Does it seem like everyone else has a happy marriage while you are over here contemplating if you are cut out for the process of surviving divorce? Things are never what they seem. Social media allows us all to believe that everyone is truly living their best life. Contrarily, people portray their best front on social media while throwing all of their truth in the closet for nobody to see. Are you worried about how your life will change if you get separated or divorced? Do you fear you will struggle with surviving divorce? Change is inevitable in life. You can fight it or embrace it. The choice is yours!
Read More: How to Explain Grandparents Divorce to a Child
Seek Professional Help
Marriage counseling is a great option to help you give it one last shot before marriage is over. If you are both on board in wanting to fix your marital relationship, marriage counseling can be wonderful. It provides a safe place to hash out your differences with a trained mediator.
Know that counseling will not fix your marriage overnight. As with anything in life, marriage counseling takes time to be effective. Both parties involved have to give it their all. This is the last of all chances to save your marriage. Marriage counseling tends to be the savior of the relationship or the determining factor in finally calling it quits.
It is also helpful to see a therapist alone during the process of surviving divorce. One on one individual therapy can be beneficial to both parties in determining where you stand, personally, within the process.
Read More: The Men’s Mental Health Crisis
Accept Your Truth
If you are in a failing marriage the easiest scapegoat is to merely pretend everything is ok. You put on a daily act for yourself, your husband, your friends, society. In the end, you deserve an award for your portrayal of a happy wife.
Your best friends may not even know you are having marital problems. You are that good at hiding it. This act will eventually catch up to you and exhaust you. You will find such relief in sharing your situation and getting it off of your chest. Your girlfriends can help you in researching how to go about surviving divorce. Most of the time, your girls will be in a similar situation or know somebody who is. Think strength in numbers here. This may be one of the toughest situations you go through in life. Lean on them for support. Surviving divorce will not be easy on your own.
Unfortunately, you may lose your “closest” friends throughout the process of calling it quits on your marriage. For whatever reason, they may not know how to support you or they won’t agree with your choice, this will hurt. Be prepared to lose more than your husband in the process. Friends and family tend to take sides in the end. Know that there will be new friendships that blossom during the process, too. You will meet women who know what you are going through or have lived through the same situation. Those will be your women! Bonding with someone who can empathize with your situation is the epitome of planting the seed for the strongest friendship you will come to know.
Surviving Divorce When You Have Kids
Discussing your list with a therapist is a great idea. Children make the decision a lot harder. It is imperative to do what is best for everyone involved, including yourself If you are consistently unhappy, how can you expect to be the best mom/wife/woman? Often, deciding to call it quits ad learning how to live your best life while surviving divorce is the better alternative to living a miserable life. Change is initially hard. It will take time to adjust to a new normal. Surviving divorce will be an emotional rollercoaster. Just know that this too shall pass.
Ignore What Others Will Think
We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. Pretty harsh fact, huh? At the end of the day, who cares what someone else may think about you! Your job is to take care of yourself. Our parents were raised in an entirely different world. Perhaps you witnessed your mother stick it out with your father, no matter what.
Times were different back then. Nowadays, although there are ample resources such as marriage counseling, people readily throw in the towel without attempting to put in some work. Divorce is much more accepted within society than it once was. You hear of people getting divorced just as often as marriage proposals, it seems. You should solely be worried about your own contentment. Surviving divorce is possible. It sure beats living miserably for all of the wrong reasons.
Although surviving divorce will be one of the most exhausting experiences, it will also be one of the most liberating. Imagine living your life each day with a smile. You deserve to be happy. Never expect your husband to change. Expectations lead to resentment. You will resent him for not complying. Eventually, everything will become a huge resentment. Be at peace with your decision and circumstances. Before you know it, surviving divorce will merely be something you went through. Although you are going through the process of surviving divorce, there is more to your daily life. Focus on the positive. Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be...
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